1500 Miles on Faith & 1500 Back on Love

By Lisa Gordon

January 8th, 2023

Sunshine and Rainbows

God, I remember. I remember when I gave my all. When I went above & beyond over, and over, and over again. And then some more. I remember when I cared.

Those were ugly, yet beautiful days. I remember when I was so fearful of what was to come. When I could not believe or fathom the utter disregard, disrespect, inconsideration. I could not fathom the nerve.

I had no idea what I was going to do. I felt like my wings had been clipped, & then I remembered that I still had claws, and I’ve clawed my way out (through life) many times. Most of my life I had been clawing my way out, but only the past 16 did I realize I WASN’T alone. That does give me hope, insight, comfort, ease, etc.

The funny part is that I prayed for this! Because, knowing what I knew (know), I realized that it just meant God had/has bigger & better things in store for me if I’d just move. If I’d just put one foot in front of the other. That leap of faith. You allowed that betrayal to happen because I wouldn’t budge. You’re constantly having to wrestle me because I despise failing or giving up. Even when it’s the only logical option.

In those 1st 1500 miles, I questioned everything. It was pure torment. Then I heard you. “Do you remember….” You brought everything needed back. As tormented as I first was, the only possible way that I am where I am now mentally, is because YOU’RE hand was in my healing. People say it takes months, & months after so many years, and considering what I’ve already been through (only similarly), I know that & I dreaded it & I begged for him to take it from me.

Lately, I have heard myself say way too many times (if you ask me) “I don’t care”. I’ve been at the point that I don’t care (numb) and I’ve been on the complete other end, and although I always said that I would rather feel than be numb, I never realized that I could feel and still not care.

Although those 3,000 total miles were significant, needed, & useful, they were all together insignificant in comparison to the might of the one true God who touched me, reminded me, healed me, loved me, restored me, and revealed what truly matters, and that is not the matters of insignificant men (people) who do not consider me. God considers me, I consider him, and I no longer consider those who think they’re first, for God says right in his Word that the least will be first (Matthew 19:30). His word never fails.

In the fraction of time between those first 1500 miles & the second 1500 miles, I first felt like I shattered, and I knew if I tried to pick myself up, I would cut myself. He had to pick the pieces up & I’ll tell ya, as fast as I am working (especially cleaning-hehe), he’s faster & more fruitful.

So, thank you Father God. Your loving kindness, mercy, patience, and grace has saved me yet again. Always has & always will ❤️

~Lisa~